Notes from a filmmaker Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Notes from a filmmaker Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Me and change.
Current mood: contemplative

Sometime I can not handle change. What I mean is that my environment has to run smoothly and I get very attached to who and what is around me.

In the last month I have found my lead actors and lost my leads actors then found some more. I have lost animators and make up people, locations, money, etc. Strangely everything is working out for the best. The people who are coming into my life are coming with a greater energy that the originals did. It's funny how life can leave you so low only to raise you higher. I don't know what will happen with this film but I do know that we have more people who believe in it than anything I have ever been part of. I also now feel a great deal of pressure to do this right and better than anything I have done.

I feel bad for my girlfriend, who has been so supportive. Being a filmmaker or any artist is a strain on your "other". Especially if they are not an artist. Just trying to understand why my emotions are linked to getting a good location must be difficult. I am hard to live with as is but when making a film I am worse than anyone I know. Your emotions run hot and cold and constantly are changing with every phone call. Sometime just the ring can set me off.

Artists have a cursed blessing and can see all the beauty of the world with such clarity but then also see and feel all the world's despair with equal vision. With out the support of others it is easy to fall into the despair. The lone starving artist is seldom happy.

God bless the people who support me and I hope to one day swell their hearts with pride but until then I hope my life stays stable and the production solidifies. Cause god damn it I hate change.